Milkshakes

Four days, 70 miles, spanning from the Mexico border into Julian, California. She was standing alone on the trail for the first time. Her friend who had joined her for the first section of the trail and her family who came to meet her for an Easter Sunday dinner were long gone, in a car rushing down the highway. They were bound for civilization, she was bound for adventure. The silence crept in on the wind, crisp and cold. It was time. 

Kiki Macdonald, or Milkshakes as she is known on the trail, took on the Pacific Crest Trail in April of 2019. Once the idea had taken root, she found herself unable to shake it. 

“I remember saying ‘I would never do that.’ It’s just like running a 5k and saying ‘I’ll never run a marathon.’” She said. “I started to reflect back because I got a little older and I think it’s knowing that I was coming up on my 50th. I started thinking about all the things I said I would never do and I’m like ‘why would I say that when I don’t really know more about it and I don’t know if I have any limitations or not so why don’t I just plan on doing it and we’ll see what happens?’” 

So she entered herself in the lottery for a trail permit, deciding that if she was rewarded one, then it would be a sign to take on the massive trail. 

“If I have an inkling that I can’t do something or if someone else says that I can’t, I’m on it. I have to [...] I don’t want to let ideas in my head stop me from doing things. I want hard evidence as to why I shouldn’t do something.” 

Determined, she began preparations to hit the road. She went from the Mexico border and then stopped at the base of the Sierras due to the high avalanche dangers. Not letting it deter her, she flew to Washington, hiked to Canada, and then made her way back down to cover roughly three quarters of Washington. For now, this is where her journey has stopped, but she has plans of picking up the trail again in Washington on July 16 of this year. 

“As much as I felt bad leaving the trail before I was done. I mean I was heartbroken over that [... but] who says I’m not finishing?” Kiki stated. “That’s just a calendar day, so I’m like I’m taking a big long break, and I’m gearing up to get back on it and pick up where I left off. I’m so happy because had I actually finished, I wouldn’t be going out there in July picking up where I left off.” 

The trail is a sacred place for Kiki. It is as much freedom as it is a lesson that never leaves her once she has finished it. 

“You kind of hope it’s not a passing thought, when you leave the trail it never leaves you. That’s just how I feel. I’m now in Dana Point, but I’m still on the trail.” 

But make no mistake, the trail can be as violent as it is beautiful. During the California section, a rough earthquake hit her. The immediate thought that came to Kiki’s mind was that the predicted “Big One” had finally hit the state. Being nowhere near civilization, she had no way to contact her family, and assumed the worst. 

“It was at that moment that I was like ‘why am I here?’ I cried for hours and I turned my two day hike into a one day hike so I could just get back to civilization and find out what was going on here and then I came home. It’s like ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ Like I felt so separated from all the people I love because I thought people died. [...] and when I came back here, my husband gave me the support [saying] ‘you need get back on the trail.’” 

So she flew into Washington to pick up the trail again. The days were still difficult, resuming a pattern of hiking all day and then pitching the tent at night, going to sleep, and doing it all over again. 

“I think going out with other people would have dulled the experience a little bit. Probably would have been fun, but I think it would have dulled that whole sense of freedom and empowerment and ‘wow and I can do this’ and then I started thinking to myself ‘shit I can do … if I’m doing this I can do anything. I am never letting anything stop me’ and I just kind of carried on with that attitude for the rest of my hike and then even afterwards coming home.”

Originally, the trail daunted her. There were so many unknown factors and plenty to be afraid of. The trip molded her though, toughening the soft edges that worried about all the things that could go wrong, and teaching her she take whatever she wants from this life at any time. 

  “I don’t really care what people think. I just did something that I totally believe in and I would do it again and I feel like I could do anything in life. Like I should be able to put anything I want out there and I’m not looking for feedback. Like it’s great to have it, but I’m not dependant on it anymore.’” 

With all that time to herself to think, she also took stock on her life, coming to a conclusion about her current situation.

“The whole time too when I was on the trail, it helped me think about how I want to spend the rest of my life too. The way I want to live, not just doing things, but my life style, how I want to live, that’s when I really decided I don’t want to die in Dana Point, I don’t want to retire in Dana Point. Like I don’t want to settle here. There’s so much more I want to do.” 

She’s taking initiative now. Kiki currently runs a cross fit studio, but has plans to take the health coaching she has been doing on the side on the road. Kiki has big plans beyond finishing the trail. What adventure she will take on after completion she is unsure. However, she knows something will come up soon, and it may appear a little scary, but fear can’t hold her back. Not anymore.

It’s easy to hide in the comfort of fear. Accepting our circumstances as they are and cowering in the softness of the known factors. Sure, we can live this way, choosing to calculate each move to exactness with no risk. But what kind of a life is that? Life was made to be messy, to be difficult and challenging. Trails are rocky and tumultuous, and sometimes you’re going to fall and scrape your knees or choose the wrong path or be caught in a storm. However, we cannot progress, we cannot grow as people until we face adversity. We must reach out to fear and to danger, even with trembling hands, or else remain trapped in the stale and stagnant air.

Kiki’s Cross Fit Studio:

https://www.crossfittothecore.com

Kiki’s Health Coaching:

http://www.theminimalistcoachrx.com

Kiki was inspired by these documentaries, and encourages anybody looking at taking on the PCT to view them:

Catherine NorbyComment